Some history: Right before I came up with the idea of the p&pg blog, I thought about all the 2009 clothes that I was getting rid of that were sitting in the basement. Then I thought about my still-pretty-pathetic wardrobe and how even when 2010 rolled around I wasn't going to be able to afford any new ones. Then I thought that there were probably several women in a similar position right here in my own awesome Philly neighborhood. Thanks to our neighborhood parents listserv, the swap idea was conceived and an invitation issued minutes later. About 15 women responded, but there was great concern about what items in what sizes would be offered -- so another mom (a woman after my own heart - thanks, Jen!) offered to do a Survey Monkey survey to collect and distribute data ahead of time about what people were bringing.
Also, interestingly, I got a lot of questions about the rules of the swap. Was this a one-for-one swap? Would there be a "synchronized start"? Did items need to be dry cleaned and on hangers? Were shoes and accessories also accepted? Gosh - who knew that clothing swaps had gotten so regulated? (Actually, I did -- thanks to Karen's pointing me to this site about big official swaps). I'll admit that the one-for-one rule was intriguing -- does that mean you only get to take something once someone else takes something of yours? Or that you actually have to negotiate a direct trade with someone? It all seemed a little wonky and fussy. I was just imagining hanging out and drinking wine and maybe trying some t-shirts on.
[By the way, for those of you with a horror of used clothing, this would be a good time to opt out.]
I did suggest to everyone that they wear tank tops or camis for easy-quickie-changie [a hard and fast rule for a QT trip, where dressing room trips are limited to 3 items at a time and then you get back in line, so trying things on in the corner by the sleepwear was key]. I also set my bedroom up as a changing room and wrassled up an extra full length mirror. Guests were asked to bring wine or dessert or an appetizer.
Sunday arrived. Paul and the girls kindly banished themselves from the house, just as the first guest arrived. This could have been awkward - she had her bag o'crap and I had my bag o'crap, but it seemed a bit predatory to just jump right in. But, I just poured us each a drink and we made nice chit chat on the couch. Felt a bit like a first date...Then guest # 2 arrived (Jen, the talented survey queen), and very soon we had a full chattering house. Note - I knew *none* of these women ahead of time. Not many of then knew each other, either. Bags were opened, items were laid out on every conceivable piece of furniture, and trying on commenced. Here's what my family room couch looked like:
Some observations:
Most common brands: Gap. Banana Republic, and all those different Target brands.
Most common items: (1) Pants (2) t-shirts/tops (3) dresses. Very few skirts. Do we buy fewer skirts and so have fewer to get rid of? Or do we do a better job of buying skirts and so have fewer to get rid of?
*Lots* of stuff with tags still on. Like, all those Gap chinos on the right arm of the couch in the photo. A teacher who came said she had felt strongly at some point in the past that she needed "Nice Pants To Wear to Work" and had accumulated several pairs in short succession - but she never wears them.
*Lots* of stuff that folks were mildly wistful to see go -- "Oh, I really loved that [silk tunic][denim jacket][pair of hiking shorts][neon green sweatshirt].. but [it's just not me][I never wore it][it never fit right][I have six others at home.]" One woman had recently lost a lot of weight and was ditching her too-big clothes. Several of us (including self) had "skinny" clothes that were just never going to fit again.
Women did seem to get a kick out of seeing other women try their stuff on, and even more of a kick when stuff they brought was scooped up. Is this validating in some way? We quickly realized that items that you found and wanted to keep had to get immediately tucked away safely into your shopping bag, lest someone else scoop it up to try on -- kind of like that pile of books you assemble at the library before you checkout -- you can't leave it carelessly on a table or someone else might grab your copy of Freakonomics or Organizing from the Inside Out.
*Behavior: There was no hair pulling, screeching, tug-of-war, or even nasty looks. Everyone was very well behaved, cheerily supportive of everyone else's choices ("Oh that looks great on you, you should totally take that!"). Maybe we were too supportive? I actually didn't hear anyone say, "You know, I'm not sure that's the best look on you." All seemed very pleased with their finds. Given the three enormous garbage bags of clothes that got left behind for me to take to the goodwill, it was clear that, on average, everyone left with considerably less than they came with. I wish I had collected better data on # of items brought vs. items taken. I would estimate it at 15 vs. 5...
My own experience: I was enormously picky about even trying things on, and ended up with just five selections, all of which reflect persistent biases in my clothing acquisition behaviors:
1. Perfect awesome pair of brown J Jill cropped yoga pants. Ideal loungewear, and also ideal for, say, yoga class. That would require going to yoga class, of course. Far and away the best item. As I've said earlier, I'm a sucker for loungewear.
2. White banana republic long sleeve ribbed sweater/tshirt. Boring. Also might itch. Also a teensy bit big. But snatched up because it's such a nice serviceable basic in a neutral color.
3. Black sleeveless cotton tunic(?)/dress(?)/shift. Not sure I'll ever wear this. Maybe as a beach coverup? This is my classic "bad call", but the bad-call-ness of it was ignored due to price = 0.
4. Narrow teal silky scarf, really long, and with really heavy beading at the ends. Tag still on. Looks cool, but when you put in on, the beads turn out to be so heavy that they weight the ends of the scarf down and choke you. I bought this for the color and the cool beads. However, I ignored, as I often do, the "Beware of items with the tags still on" rule of thrift stores, swaps, and jumble sales. There's a reason those items never got worn.
5. Terrific pair of kick-around-the-house clog/loafer things. [Another good place for people with a particular horror of used shoes within the broader horror category of used clothing to bid farewell]. My error here was the "you can never have too many comfy kick-around-the-house items." Of course you can. I now do.
I put 35 pieces into the swap, almost all acquired at QT or during a particularly long and high-volume spree at a Trenton Goodwill in December 2007. I think about five of my things were scooped up, almost all by the same woman.
After everyone had found their treasures, there was a nice long group gabfest over wine, apples, scones, chips, and other treats. Not sure if everyone was just being polite or not, but everyone said let's do this again, next time my house, etc. etc. So we will!
It will give me great pleasure to take the three garbage bags of rejects to the Goodwill. But only after my mom picks over the bags. And the girls each pick out an item or two for the dress up box -- for which there are some great candidates: silky lingerie, wacky beaded sundresses, fuzzy angora sweaters.
Quite a ramble, sorry! Let me know if this sounds like your dream afternoon or your worst nightmare (the worst nightmare crowd hopefully checked out six paragraphs ago). Which 10 items in your current closet would you bring to such a swap, and how much would you worry/wonder what those 10 items would communicate about you to 12 women you didn't know? Would it be easier to swap with total strangers or good friends? Can you imagine the men in your life ever doing this in a million years? How honest would you be with each group about whether stuff looked good? Would your threshold for grabbing stuff being higher or lower than at a thrift store or purchasing retail? Is free too easy???? Is used too gross? Or just too sad, too worn, too last year, too someone-else's-mistake.
[And to those of you who were actually there -- did it meet expectations?? Be honest!]
Today's outfit: Gap peacock blue cable knit sweater (yes, the one that gives me balloon boobs) and a pair of jeans that are either black or blue, can't tell. I hope blue, because my belt was blue. Changed in the evening to attend Admissions Open House at kids' school - swapped out pants for a cute gray petal skirt and my kick-ass black boots. Based on recent observations on Penn campus, I went with sheer stockings rather than the instinctual opaque black tights. New look! Ack! (Julia said, "you look funny, mom".)
Bra post coming next...
