On Wednesday, my loyal and intrepid friend Lizzie is joining me at J Jill somewhere in suburban Philly for a marathon try-on session. This will be a sort of pre-audition -- I'm auditioning J Jill as the preferred or perhaps sole designer/store/catalog to take over my closet in 2010. This will of course mostly be a totally fun adventure with Lizzie, particularly as it will be void of any pressure or even possibility of buying anything (please, if you know the salespeople at the English Village J. Jill - don't say anything!). And yet.
And yet, I find I'm still anxious about doing the retail store, live-and-in-person, look-at-stuff-on-the-racks-and-then-try-them-on thing. I'm pretty good at a lot of things (standardized tests, making popovers, reading Jane Austen aloud in a kick-ass British accent), but I'm just so bad at shopping. I'm hoping to take Mindful Me along with Regular Me and try to examine this reluctance and insecurity more closely. What's there to be scared of?
Well,
1. Snooty salespeople who make you feel like a grungy and unworthy teen pawing through the racks.
2. Exuberant overly helpful salespeople who really, really want you to buy something.
3. The prices.
4. Not knowing what looks good on you.
5. Knowing that nothing looks good on you.
6. Uhhh..... color? Fabric? Style?
7. Three-way mirrors + fluorescent lighting in the dressing rooms.
8. Buyer's remorse, which for me sets in before I've even decided to buy something. If I somehow fail to actually have buyer's remorse, then I inevitably stain the garment the first time I wear it.
9. Again, the prices.
10. The creeping, persistent, back-of-the-mind realization that clothes aren't actually transformative. They can't change your life. They don't get your work done for you, or make new friends materialize, or take you out for fancy dinners, or find three extra hours of sleep. At their very very best, they can make your butt look a little smaller, bring some nice color to your cheeks, let you pretend you're a little different from your usual self, feel good against your skin. They can be reliable, comfortable, fun, well-made, creative. But not transformative.
So, on Wednesday morning I will gather up my courage and my good friend Lizzie and we will go see what J. Jill has to offer. I will not look only at the sale rack. I will try to find a color or two that I've never worn before. I will try on some skinny jeans. I will try on things that cost more than $200. Okay, $100. I will let the salespeople accessorize my outfits, and I will let them bring things to me in the dressing room. I will leave empty-handed, for now, but maybe tumble into 2010 with a little more shopping moxie. A little less fear.
Any advice is welcome.
Today's outfit: Fuzzy stretchy black scoop-necked sweater (some non-QT thrift store, c.2007) & the closest thing I have to cool jeans. Big fuzzy black wool (?) socks.
Oh - and what's the best "trying clothes on for a few hours" outfit? Tights? Pumps? Strapless bra? Elastic-waist pants? white t-shirt? Nude cami? Help!?!
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Advice:
ReplyDelete1) Try on weird things that you're skeptical of. If it doesn't look good, no big deal.
2) Bring 2-3 sizes of everything back with you.
3) Never buy anything you're unwilling to launder (I won't even let "dry clean only/lightly iron" clothes into my home.)
4) If you don't like it enough to carry it around the store for 15 minutes, don't buy it.
5) Don't think of it as money, think of it as time. I get paid $X per hour. Is this article of clothing worth Y hours of my time? Shopping in a foreign currency can help strip away the price angst, too.
6) Wear loose, simple clothes (to take on and off 500 times) and the undergarments/etc. that you actually wear everyday in real life.
7) Don't forget what climate you live in. Don't be buying no clothes for Nepal if you live in PA.
8) Acquire a gay male friend with "the gene" and make a pleasant shopping day of it. Gay men are great for so many other things, too. Not to diminish Lizzie. Maybe she's got you covered, girlfriend!
9) If you're not having fun, go see a movie or go ice skating or something else. They're just clothes. They'll be there next year.
My retail advice: never let a salesperson convince you of their expertise. They do not have better taste than you, they don't know your life. Instead think of them as your hired hand for the expedition. Perhaps they have some local expertise - how do I wear a shrug, for instance - and most of all, use them to find sizes. Ask them to show you what they think is interesting on the sale rack: sometimes things end up on the sale rack because they don't hang well on a hanger but they actually perform well on the body.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the prices they will always be ridiculous and unfair. Always. I simply refuse to buy anything at full price. Ever.
Bring at least two pairs of shoes: flats and heels or equivalents ie your usual boots. Bring a plain t-shirt, white or black.
Do not buy for the self you imagine in your future, buy for the self you love best right now.
Similarly, do not buy for the self you dislike the most: that is, don't buy the rebound feeling items, usually novelty or shapeless pyjama-ish things. ie, I can't see myself as XX person therefore I am going to buy something for the me that I see myself as in low moments. If you are having a negative feeling, leave the store and come back.
Important fact: try something tighter than what you usually buy because if you are struggling with your weight, or with how your weight makes you feel the tendency is to buy things that cover up. But actually the curvier you are the more shaped you should go. CF Monica Belluci.
Personally, I tend to buy one size too big because I hate my weight and I feel smaller in clothes that are too big. Also, sometimes I have these really waspy moments where I tell myself "this would look awesome at the club!" but that's this internalized fantasy playing itself out that has no relevance to my real life. Know your inner clothing fantasies.
Put things aside that you think you want, walk away and have a coffee and come back. Tell the salesperson that you don't want to do an impulse buy and you'll be back in whatever time you'll be back.
Have you ever read George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion? There's this scene where Professor Higgins tells someone that shopgirls must have a better accent and a better class performance than the people they serve because no-one would buy from a lower class person. Or something like that. (It's been years.) Retail is a really really shite job full of class pretense. Women with little power in their lives come in and treat salespeople horribly because it's the little bit of power that they will have that day. As a retail survivor I treat salespeople with honesty and respect, tell them my goals and then expect them to be honest and respectful too. You can tell them that you'll ask them for help if you'll need it and they'll probably be relieved to have less work to do.
Ooh, baby's up.
@Kyla: Brilliant. All the way around. Would you consider taking over this blog for me? Or at least writing very regular guest posts? You're a zillion times more thoughtful on this than I could ever be.
ReplyDeleteNo way! I'm loooooooving your posts. I'll swap you a food post for a clothing post though...
ReplyDeleteHi Alison, it is Lizzie's other friend, Lisa! I hope you enjoy your big shopping trip. I have found the salespeople at J. Jill to be uniformly helfpful and non-pushy myself. I only go shopping 2-5 times a year in stores, and always do a big wardrobe update. If people see you are serious, they can offer great suggestions. Otherwise they tend to get nervous when you take 40 things into the dressing room all at once. I always say, "Oh, I don't go shopping very often and its time to redo the closet."
ReplyDeleteWhen going shopping for a real wardrobe update I wear something I already feel great in. This lessens the feeling that I will buy "anything"--just so I look better than how I came in. I also wear shoes that could go with a skirt or pants, and some versatile underthings. If you like the look of tights or whatever under a skirt, it is good to have them. Something could look too clingy without them, but fine when you have the tights you would wear them with if you were getting dressed from home.
I have felt lately that the quality of J.Jill of late is not what it once was. I love them as they have a lot of "professor" clothes and that is what I need. However, I have a sweater from last year that is very pilly, and a pair of pants that also got worn out way too fast. You probably know J.Jill was going to close all stores last year, but some are hanging on right now. I think the quality has suffered. I go there to add onto my wardrobe but look to Nordstrom's and Talbots for the basics. I have pieces from these stores that have lasted for decades, and that is not true of my J. Jill things. Now, some might point out that clothes should not last for decades (as obviously styles change), so then you would be okay.
Lizzie, I know her, she is nice an pretty and has a couple of cats and a dog named Lenny.
ReplyDeleteLizzie likes yoga and has a nice voice for singing things.
Lizzie's dog Lenny is having an extended time out for bad behavior.
ReplyDeleteThose two above are from Adam...it's true, Lenny got kicked out of the kennel for two mos. for bad behavior in the yard. It's sad, really. More importantly, you did a GREAT JOB on our trip! I think you learned a few things, no? Like, don't worry about the salespeople, snooty or other (I protected you by being snooty back to them). And that J. Jill is possibly too expensive and just not that interesting, or at least for sure would NOT do for a complete wardrobe. That you are not a L, you are a size M. That you cannot wear muumuus anymore (like that brown number you liked). That there are kick-ass jeans out there for you (in January 2010). And that you have amazing self-control (you knew that alreadY. Any more lessons?
ReplyDelete